Friday, November 30, 2007
My Hands Are Full, But So Is My Heart (Part 2)
So, the original post on this topic was a bit of a long background before getting to the point of the phrase. In short (ha, ha), I am intensely aware of how blessed we are, how blessed I am. Our boys are healthy and thriving. And this was so poignant for me this Thanksgiving. More cliches, but life is so very precious. Having Kelly just home from a frightening few days in the hospital, sharing our lives with these amazing little boys, recognizing the miracle of their existence. Seriously, I felt my heart could burst with all the emotion. This triplet journey has been a bumpy road. We (Kelly and I) have been challenged in more ways that we thought ourselves capable of surviving. We've had to grow up and hold on even when we'd rather not have done either. And we're still hanging on. And we are so grateful. Thanks to everyone who has supported us in ways both big and small. I really will elaborate on all of this sometime...when I have time (maybe when the boys go off to college). For now, in the midst all of the chaos, the busy-ness, my heart is full and that is worth my hands being full. I can't imagine any other way...
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Please Hold
More Mama Drama (aka My Hands Are Full But So Is My Heart) coming soon...I have tons to ramble about (lucky you!) but not enough time to get it done. Maybe tonight...check back soon :)
Thursday, November 22, 2007
My Hands Are Full, But So Is My Heart
This is a phrase that has been marketed to, and by, mothers of multiples. There are T-shirts, bumper stickers and various other high visibility items on which it has been printed. While it certainly holds true, I've always thought it a bit cheesy, kind of a multiples cliche. I have never (until now) used it to describe myself. But I cannot think of a more accurate description of what I am feeling at this moment. The weeks leading up to this Thanksgiving Day have been a challenge beyond our "normal" day to day with three (almost) 4 year old boys. I'm not even sure where to begin. My purpose for this post is to focus on gratefulness. The So Is My Heart part. But it needs a frame of reference so here is my attempt at what may become a very long ramble...
Kelly has a stressful job. He is acutely aware that he is the provider for this family and he does not take that lightly. He works harder than anyone I know. Without a doubt we remain his priority and he lives this every day. He makes every effort to be home with us for dinner, or at least for the bedtime routine, even if that means more work for him late into the night. He is fully present when he is here (something I can rarely manage and I am her all the time!). The boys know he is completely theirs when they are with him. Yet the demands of his job are always here as well. Thanks to modern technology, we've become accessible at any time of any day and in his profession there are no boundaries. Work beckons at all hours, on weekends, on vacation. He manages these demands, of work and family with competence and skill. There are times when it becomes too much and he must let his body rest but for the most part he is in constant motion and appears to have figured out how to handle the pressure. Two weeks ago Friday as he was preparing to leave for a major presentation he'd worked on for the better part of a month (days, nights, weekends...), he told me that he was feeling some pressure in his chest. He didn't want me to worry but it was unusual enough for him to feel he should let me know it was there. He assumed it was anxiety about the day ahead, kissed me goodbye and went on with his day. I was concerned - he has a family history of heart disease and we had just lost a friend to an undiagnosed heart abnormality. We spoke on the phone after his presentation and he said he was feeling better. The presentation had gone well and he was looking forward to the weekend at home. Fast forward to Sunday night. We were both upstairs with the boys and they were fired up. Kelly had been playing with them while I folded some of their laundry. I'd just said that it was time to brush teeth and get in beds when Kelly sat down and said he was not feeling well. He said his chest was hurting again, but different this time. And he looked terrible. I asked him a few questions in an effort to determine if this was an emergency (I recognize the stupidity of this statement now but at the time we had three little boys almost in bed and I was trying to decide if I needed to load everyon into the car and go to the ER or if I could get them to bed first and then make a decision about what to do for Kelly). He thought it might be heartburn and went to lay down. I got the boys in bed as quickly as I could and went to check on Kelly. He was lying in our bed, visibly uncomfortable and short of breath if he moved at all. I began my campaign for going to the hospital while reviewing my long expired CPR training in my head. I am not being funny here...I was very scared. Kelly wanted no part of hospital talk and kept negotiating for 30 more minutes "to see if this goes away". He wanted to sleep in his own bed with the promise that he'd see his own doctor Monday morning. When he was still unable to move without pain or speak without shortness of breath 4 hours after he initially said he felt bad, I more or less demanded he get in the car and we headed to the ER. (Much gratitude here for my sister, Michele, who stayed with the boys so we did not have to drag them along at midnight.) Skip ahead again to Tuesday (though a lot happened that I am omitting for the sake of getting on with the purpose of this post). Kelly had been in the hospital two days and all tests were normal, inconclusive, or slightly abnormal but with no clear indication why. Considering his family history, the cardiologist felt an angiogram (heart catheterization) was warranted. Ultimately, after 3 days and nights of tests (including the heart cath), it was determined that his heart is fine. That said, he was still experiencing pressure/pain and is now following up with a cardioligist as an outpatient as well as with his own physician to determine that cause and treatment for it. Likely, it is stress.
Here's the thing, before we knew all was fine with his heart, during the heart cath procedure, I was in a family waiting area when another family received news that their relative (mother) had had a serious complication during the catheterization procedure. In fact, they needed to decide immediately whether or not to take her into surgery to repair the damage and the doctors were uncertain whether or not she could even survive surgery. It was heart wrenching to watch this family come to terms with the news they had been given and to try and decide the fate of their mom. I felt so intrusive just being there but I was afraid to leave as I had been instructed that Kelly's physician would be calling me on the waiting area telephone should they find anything needing repair during his procedure. I also began to think about what I would do if I were given the same news about Kelly. It was an exercise I had not allowed myself to go through until that moment as I could not let myself be consumed with worry about things unknown. What I mean is that I am not a worst case scenario kind of person. I am pretty good at addressing things that are known and not getting caught up in the what ifs about most situations. It is, in my opinion, a waste of energy that could be utilized in a way that actually makes a difference for whatever the reality of the situation is. Fear is a demon I have battled since childhood. A constant companion whom I have worked hard at keeping in check...this is vague, I know, but the point is that I have lived with constant fear and I refuse to give it power over my life now. Seeing the pain of the family faced with such loss was an open door for my worst fears as an adult and as a parent to young children. What would we do without Kelly? Would my boys even remember what an incredibly strong and loving man their father was if they were to lose him at such a young age? How could I raise three boys to become men like him if I had to do it on my own? How would I ever feel complete? Have any peace at all without him?
More drama to follow in the next post - gotta run to pick up the wiseguys from school....
Kelly has a stressful job. He is acutely aware that he is the provider for this family and he does not take that lightly. He works harder than anyone I know. Without a doubt we remain his priority and he lives this every day. He makes every effort to be home with us for dinner, or at least for the bedtime routine, even if that means more work for him late into the night. He is fully present when he is here (something I can rarely manage and I am her all the time!). The boys know he is completely theirs when they are with him. Yet the demands of his job are always here as well. Thanks to modern technology, we've become accessible at any time of any day and in his profession there are no boundaries. Work beckons at all hours, on weekends, on vacation. He manages these demands, of work and family with competence and skill. There are times when it becomes too much and he must let his body rest but for the most part he is in constant motion and appears to have figured out how to handle the pressure. Two weeks ago Friday as he was preparing to leave for a major presentation he'd worked on for the better part of a month (days, nights, weekends...), he told me that he was feeling some pressure in his chest. He didn't want me to worry but it was unusual enough for him to feel he should let me know it was there. He assumed it was anxiety about the day ahead, kissed me goodbye and went on with his day. I was concerned - he has a family history of heart disease and we had just lost a friend to an undiagnosed heart abnormality. We spoke on the phone after his presentation and he said he was feeling better. The presentation had gone well and he was looking forward to the weekend at home. Fast forward to Sunday night. We were both upstairs with the boys and they were fired up. Kelly had been playing with them while I folded some of their laundry. I'd just said that it was time to brush teeth and get in beds when Kelly sat down and said he was not feeling well. He said his chest was hurting again, but different this time. And he looked terrible. I asked him a few questions in an effort to determine if this was an emergency (I recognize the stupidity of this statement now but at the time we had three little boys almost in bed and I was trying to decide if I needed to load everyon into the car and go to the ER or if I could get them to bed first and then make a decision about what to do for Kelly). He thought it might be heartburn and went to lay down. I got the boys in bed as quickly as I could and went to check on Kelly. He was lying in our bed, visibly uncomfortable and short of breath if he moved at all. I began my campaign for going to the hospital while reviewing my long expired CPR training in my head. I am not being funny here...I was very scared. Kelly wanted no part of hospital talk and kept negotiating for 30 more minutes "to see if this goes away". He wanted to sleep in his own bed with the promise that he'd see his own doctor Monday morning. When he was still unable to move without pain or speak without shortness of breath 4 hours after he initially said he felt bad, I more or less demanded he get in the car and we headed to the ER. (Much gratitude here for my sister, Michele, who stayed with the boys so we did not have to drag them along at midnight.) Skip ahead again to Tuesday (though a lot happened that I am omitting for the sake of getting on with the purpose of this post). Kelly had been in the hospital two days and all tests were normal, inconclusive, or slightly abnormal but with no clear indication why. Considering his family history, the cardiologist felt an angiogram (heart catheterization) was warranted. Ultimately, after 3 days and nights of tests (including the heart cath), it was determined that his heart is fine. That said, he was still experiencing pressure/pain and is now following up with a cardioligist as an outpatient as well as with his own physician to determine that cause and treatment for it. Likely, it is stress.
Here's the thing, before we knew all was fine with his heart, during the heart cath procedure, I was in a family waiting area when another family received news that their relative (mother) had had a serious complication during the catheterization procedure. In fact, they needed to decide immediately whether or not to take her into surgery to repair the damage and the doctors were uncertain whether or not she could even survive surgery. It was heart wrenching to watch this family come to terms with the news they had been given and to try and decide the fate of their mom. I felt so intrusive just being there but I was afraid to leave as I had been instructed that Kelly's physician would be calling me on the waiting area telephone should they find anything needing repair during his procedure. I also began to think about what I would do if I were given the same news about Kelly. It was an exercise I had not allowed myself to go through until that moment as I could not let myself be consumed with worry about things unknown. What I mean is that I am not a worst case scenario kind of person. I am pretty good at addressing things that are known and not getting caught up in the what ifs about most situations. It is, in my opinion, a waste of energy that could be utilized in a way that actually makes a difference for whatever the reality of the situation is. Fear is a demon I have battled since childhood. A constant companion whom I have worked hard at keeping in check...this is vague, I know, but the point is that I have lived with constant fear and I refuse to give it power over my life now. Seeing the pain of the family faced with such loss was an open door for my worst fears as an adult and as a parent to young children. What would we do without Kelly? Would my boys even remember what an incredibly strong and loving man their father was if they were to lose him at such a young age? How could I raise three boys to become men like him if I had to do it on my own? How would I ever feel complete? Have any peace at all without him?
More drama to follow in the next post - gotta run to pick up the wiseguys from school....
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Toy Guide
Resource Highlights Good, Wholesome Toys for Holidays
The Toy Action Guide is an invaluable resource—particularly at this time of year—for parents, teachers, or anyone concerned about the commercialization of children's play. It contains information on how to select toys that promote positive play and reduce the influence of harmful toys on children. There is a list of TRUCE's 2007-2008 recommendations for "Toys for Healthy & Creative Play." You will also find a list of "Toys and Toy Trends to Avoid," such as toys that lead children to spend more time with TV or other media, and/or let the screen take control of their play.
The guide also includes tips for making toys more environmentally friendly; resources for anyone with concerns about the toy recalls; and suggestions for "Shoe Box Gifts," an alternative gift idea that promotes play around themes with common objects often found around the house.
Download your free copy of the TRUCE Toy Action Guide today!
The Toy Action Guide is an invaluable resource—particularly at this time of year—for parents, teachers, or anyone concerned about the commercialization of children's play. It contains information on how to select toys that promote positive play and reduce the influence of harmful toys on children. There is a list of TRUCE's 2007-2008 recommendations for "Toys for Healthy & Creative Play." You will also find a list of "Toys and Toy Trends to Avoid," such as toys that lead children to spend more time with TV or other media, and/or let the screen take control of their play.
The guide also includes tips for making toys more environmentally friendly; resources for anyone with concerns about the toy recalls; and suggestions for "Shoe Box Gifts," an alternative gift idea that promotes play around themes with common objects often found around the house.
Download your free copy of the TRUCE Toy Action Guide today!
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Blessings
As I prepare to host Thanksgiving at our house I want to also prepare my heart. I wish to be thankful every day, to be mindful of even the smallest blessings yet my focus (or lack thereof) is often misdirected. Today I am blessed by, and thankful for, this post at Lots of Scotts.
Wise Guy
Getting ready for school is always an adventure. While we make every effort to prepare the night before by choosing clothes, making sure jackets, mittens, hats and shoes are near the door to the garage, etc., there is inevitably a glitch that causes us to be perpetually late. Sometimes it is mommy hitting the snooze one too many times, sometimes it is a last minute (literally, when we're walking out the door) desperate need to use the potty (#2), sometimes it is just that one or more is moving v-e-r-y- s-l-o-w-l-y! Today, it was C blatantly ignoring requests that he take off his pajamas and get his clothes on. He was much too busy playing with his Hot Wheels "dirt bike" to be bothered with getting ready for school. After a 4th request that he put the dirt bike down and get dressed, I confiscated the prized possession. With all the 3 year old indignation he could muster, he wanted to know why I took his dirt bike...
C: WHY DID YOU TAKE MY DIRT BIKE???
Me: Because you are not listening to Mommy
C: Why?
Me: Your ears do not seem to be working this morning, maybe they broke while you were sleeping (said in a silly voice, trying to change the tone of this exchange)
C: (Pausing to think a a moment and then looking like a Cheshire Cat) YES! They are broken, they got broke when I was sleeping
Me: You'd better fix them right up
C: (With no hesitation) No. They are broken, I cannot fix them so I am not going to listen today!
I am being outsmarted by a 3 year old wise guy...ah, another day in the life!
C: WHY DID YOU TAKE MY DIRT BIKE???
Me: Because you are not listening to Mommy
C: Why?
Me: Your ears do not seem to be working this morning, maybe they broke while you were sleeping (said in a silly voice, trying to change the tone of this exchange)
C: (Pausing to think a a moment and then looking like a Cheshire Cat) YES! They are broken, they got broke when I was sleeping
Me: You'd better fix them right up
C: (With no hesitation) No. They are broken, I cannot fix them so I am not going to listen today!
I am being outsmarted by a 3 year old wise guy...ah, another day in the life!
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Slacker Mom
More than the usual insanity, the last week and a half has been full of chaos. I will post about it all soon...check back for the scoop!
Friday, November 2, 2007
Accomplishment
A little conversation that took place outside on our deck yesterday afternoon...
C: Mommy, you know what I did at school today?
Me: What did you do at school today?
C: I wiped my butt ALL BY MYSELF - NOBODY HELPED ME (the caps are indicative a a very LOUD and excited voice)
Me: All by yourself? (pride mixed with shock and a little horror about what might still be in his underwear)
C: Yep, CHECK OUT MY BUTT!!! (said while simultaneously turning his rear end to face me - and the golfers on the 5th green - bending over, and dropping his pants and underwear to his ankles)
And several days before while riding in our car...
H to Me: Why aren't you smart?
Me: Uh, I'm smart
H: No, but why aren't you SUPER smart like us and Daddy?
Me: Hmm, maybe because I am so tired all the time
Long Pause
H: Mom, are you a little crazy?
Me: Probably so!
H: Yeah, me too
C: Mommy, you know what I did at school today?
Me: What did you do at school today?
C: I wiped my butt ALL BY MYSELF - NOBODY HELPED ME (the caps are indicative a a very LOUD and excited voice)
Me: All by yourself? (pride mixed with shock and a little horror about what might still be in his underwear)
C: Yep, CHECK OUT MY BUTT!!! (said while simultaneously turning his rear end to face me - and the golfers on the 5th green - bending over, and dropping his pants and underwear to his ankles)
And several days before while riding in our car...
H to Me: Why aren't you smart?
Me: Uh, I'm smart
H: No, but why aren't you SUPER smart like us and Daddy?
Me: Hmm, maybe because I am so tired all the time
Long Pause
H: Mom, are you a little crazy?
Me: Probably so!
H: Yeah, me too
When we adults think of children there is a simple truth that we
ignore: childhood is not preparation for life; childhood is life. A child isn't getting ready to live; a child is living. No child will miss the zest and joy of living unless these are denied by adults who have convinced themselves that childhood is a period of preparation. How much heartache we would save ourselves if we would recognize children as partners with adults in the process of living, rather than always viewing them as apprentices. How much we could teach each other; we have the experience and they have the freshness. How full both our lives could be. John A. Taylor
Things To Consider
We shall not achieve any significant change in society until we focus not only on what it means to be a parent, but also on what it means to be a child. Doreen Goodman
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