It's that time of year again. I'm not talking about the New Year (as in 2010) - I am completely caught up in THE new year (as in, the little boys will be 6 years old tomorrow!). There have been plenty of opportunities for reflection these past few weeks as this special day approaches. And I have been as weepy as always as I am reminded how miraculous their existence is and recall their fragile entry into this world. We've watched some videos of their babyhood, looked at photos, remembered.
I am so proud and humbly grateful for who they are becoming. Something that happened just this afternoon, simple and relatively insignificant to anyone else, brought tears to my eyes as we sat in a busy waiting room full of children with a broad range of disabilities, some very significant . A small act of grace by a 5 (almost 6 :) year old boy. Without prompting from a parent, without knowledge he was being watched - just sweet and genuine concern for the well being of another child, his lovely little heart in the right place.
And later over our evening meal, a discussion about a new child at school. A child who is having trouble adjusting and has been acting out, not too kindly, to those around. A telling of a talk with a teacher and a decision to show this child kindness in return, despite the mean spirited things being done, so this child might learn - by their example - to use words and be peaceful. (I might add here that I adore this lovely and gracious teacher who so clearly lives and shares the very best vision of Maria Montessori).
Small, simple daily tasks that are too difficult for a little boy with a broken arm (guess who) - being done for him by his brothers - every day - without being asked.
I could be here all night making this list but the point is this - I adore these amazing little boys. And I am thankful, so very thankful for the privilege of watching them grow into such wonderful human beings.
It's going to be a GREAT new year!
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Happy New Year
Feeling challenged and inspired by this right now. A lot to consider in the next few days as I look ahead to this brand new year.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Beautiful Like Me - Inspiration
Okay, here it is! This week's Beautiful Like Me question is In your opinion, what is the best way to build self-esteem?
Like so many of life’s bigger questions, there are more answers, leading to more questions – none of which can be looked at in isolation. Generally, the answer to this question seems to focus on media and culture. I want to explore something else. Something personal and something I believe may be an integral part of finding our way to a better place.
I propose that the best way to build self-esteem is to start with a foundation of respect, unconditional love and support and the recognition that every child is fully human. As a first time parent, I have spent a great deal of time reading all manner of books on the subject of raising children. Despite some significant differences in “expert” opinion about how to do this, there is often a common theme centering on behavior. Specifically, how to get your child(ren) to behave in a way that is acceptable to you as a parent and society in general. I will be the first to admit that a compliant child is a more appealing thought to me than one that might be labeled “strong-willed” but I am increasingly bothered by the means to which we will go to get that compliance. There seems to be very little regard and even less respect for the fact that the child is a human being fully capable of his or her own thoughts and feelings. There is an assumption that they are lesser than; incapable – that they need adults to coerce them about how to feel, how to think, how to behave. I am not saying that children do not require guidance. But I am struggling to accept the ways in which we (parents, adults) try to bend them to our own will. Frequently when it really does not matter all that much.
In case you’re new here, I have triplets. Three little boys who are as different as can be. Three personalities who view the world uniquely, who set out to solve problems in ways that make sense to themselves but not necessarily to each other or their parents. I believe them to be amazing individuals with incredible gifts each their own. But I also need (if I am being really honest it’s more likely that I want) things to run smoothly. Their compliance makes life easier – less challenging – for me. And there is always the underlying fear that if I do not stay on top of it utter chaos will prevail and we will never have any peace again. I’m always outnumbered and having some semblance of order over the situation allows me to feel (as delusional as it may be) like I am in control. But what price are my children paying for my need/want to maintain my comfort zone? How often am I reminding, correcting, nagging and my worst offense that happens entirely too often, yelling at them to obey? What is the message they receive from me, the person they spend most of their time with, the person they look to for guidance and unconditional love? My greatest fear is that what they are hearing from me (never overtly, of course) is that they are not good enough. And I am left to wonder if this is where the breakdown of self esteem begins. And it cracks my heart open with grief because I am only human, I really do try and be the best I can be for them but I am selfish, I am tired, I am overwhelmed.
Two books have challenged me in a way that no other parenting books have and I highly recommend every parent check your local library for copies –
· Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn, and
· 10 Conversations You Need to Have with Your Children by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach
I was going to give a little summary of each but coincidentally (or maybe it’s fate??), I just began another this evening and within the first 3 pages I have found myself challenged, moved and inspired. It is completely in sync with the thoughts I am exploring here and so I share this with you now:
Like so many of life’s bigger questions, there are more answers, leading to more questions – none of which can be looked at in isolation. Generally, the answer to this question seems to focus on media and culture. I want to explore something else. Something personal and something I believe may be an integral part of finding our way to a better place.
I propose that the best way to build self-esteem is to start with a foundation of respect, unconditional love and support and the recognition that every child is fully human. As a first time parent, I have spent a great deal of time reading all manner of books on the subject of raising children. Despite some significant differences in “expert” opinion about how to do this, there is often a common theme centering on behavior. Specifically, how to get your child(ren) to behave in a way that is acceptable to you as a parent and society in general. I will be the first to admit that a compliant child is a more appealing thought to me than one that might be labeled “strong-willed” but I am increasingly bothered by the means to which we will go to get that compliance. There seems to be very little regard and even less respect for the fact that the child is a human being fully capable of his or her own thoughts and feelings. There is an assumption that they are lesser than; incapable – that they need adults to coerce them about how to feel, how to think, how to behave. I am not saying that children do not require guidance. But I am struggling to accept the ways in which we (parents, adults) try to bend them to our own will. Frequently when it really does not matter all that much.
In case you’re new here, I have triplets. Three little boys who are as different as can be. Three personalities who view the world uniquely, who set out to solve problems in ways that make sense to themselves but not necessarily to each other or their parents. I believe them to be amazing individuals with incredible gifts each their own. But I also need (if I am being really honest it’s more likely that I want) things to run smoothly. Their compliance makes life easier – less challenging – for me. And there is always the underlying fear that if I do not stay on top of it utter chaos will prevail and we will never have any peace again. I’m always outnumbered and having some semblance of order over the situation allows me to feel (as delusional as it may be) like I am in control. But what price are my children paying for my need/want to maintain my comfort zone? How often am I reminding, correcting, nagging and my worst offense that happens entirely too often, yelling at them to obey? What is the message they receive from me, the person they spend most of their time with, the person they look to for guidance and unconditional love? My greatest fear is that what they are hearing from me (never overtly, of course) is that they are not good enough. And I am left to wonder if this is where the breakdown of self esteem begins. And it cracks my heart open with grief because I am only human, I really do try and be the best I can be for them but I am selfish, I am tired, I am overwhelmed.
Two books have challenged me in a way that no other parenting books have and I highly recommend every parent check your local library for copies –
· Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn, and
· 10 Conversations You Need to Have with Your Children by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach
I was going to give a little summary of each but coincidentally (or maybe it’s fate??), I just began another this evening and within the first 3 pages I have found myself challenged, moved and inspired. It is completely in sync with the thoughts I am exploring here and so I share this with you now:
Parenting isn’t about molding lumps of formless clay into something virtuous and beautiful. Your child arrived in the world a complete original…Your job as a parent isn’t just to pay for piano lessons, or drive your son to soccer practice – it’s to enable him to explore the full potential of his own personality and intelligence and capacity for love. Parenting doesn’t just mean wiping our kid’s nose and making sure that her socks match; it means throwing kindling on the spark of her potential and ardently fanning the ensuing blaze.
We must not simply police our children, we must inspire them.
If we simply superimpose our will on our children, they will feel coerced... If we bully our children into doing well, instead of bringing out a desire to contribute their unique gifts to the world, they will resent us… We must instead use inspiration so that they become willing participants – enthusiastic ones, even – in their own improvement. Every parent is capable of inspiring their children, and we must now find this talent within ourselves and bring it to the forefront. (from Parenting With Fire,
Shmuley Boteach)
So my answer to this week’s question, in your opinion, what is the best way to build self-esteem, is really a thought I am still developing. One that will ask more questions than it answers but one that I hope I will be mindful of in my journey as a mother. I think the building of self-esteem begins long before the pre-teen years and long before the media and culture at large begin to exert their influences on our kids. I think it begins at home and I think it begins right now.
There are several very talented bloggers participating in this project. Because I am a technical dingbat, I have not figured out how to link everyone here in my post. Check out the Beautiful Like Me Project Home Page for links to all the participants and check them out for more thoughts that will make you think (that sounds funny, but you know what I mean!).
Beautiful Like Me - Coming Soon!
Today's question to ponder for the Beautiful Like Me Project is In your opinion, what is the best way to build self-esteem?. I have draft after draft attempting to answer this in a way that makes sense but I have not yet achieved what I think is a readable answer - it's more a running stream of thought(s) ramble. So, this post is to serve as a place holder for the real thing coming soon -really, I promise. Okay, maybe not really soon but today for sure. Possibly late in the day but today. Please check back later and let me know what your thinking about this question as well...See you soon!
Monday, May 4, 2009
Beautiful Like Me
Tricia at Shout asked me if I would like to participate in the Beautiful Like Me Project. Having had the opportunity to discuss this and other life questions with her, I was honored and more than a little intimidated to say yes. The explanation of it's beginning can be found here. Participants are asked to blog about a series of questions every two weeks. I am joining in on question #3 - What features/qualities would we like today’s children to see as beautiful? I am sure I will not do justice to the vastness of this consideration. This is my feeble, and very incomplete attempt. I am still mulling it over and continue to discover layers of feelings and thoughts on the issue.
How to answer this question has been with me for days now. I think about it in the shower, in the car, making dinner, having conversations with my sons and when looking through a magazine or watching television as I confront the perfect images being sold to us everywhere. Undoubtedly, my perspective is shaped by my own experience. A girl, one of three sisters, who grew up in a very dysfunctional family. We each had to find our own way amongst the culture of perfect while our parents struggled with their own demons. They say that a girl’s relationship with her father is incredibly influential in her acquisition of self-worth, of value, her definition of what it means to be beautiful and I believe it to be true. Sadly, our father perpetrated unspeakable acts against my innocence and while I rarely discuss this because I claim that it does not define me, in a lot of ways it has. To introduce sexuality at a young age, to equate a loving relationship with a person who should be your protector, with fear, shame and confusion denies a child the ability to understand, to evolve into, her own value.
I was always a skinny kid. Scrawny is probably more accurate. It was not the blessing I would perceive it to be now that I am 20 pounds heavier than my “ideal” body weight. I vaguely remember feeling inadequate, not at all beautiful when comparing myself to the images I believed to be perfection, in high school. But it was not something I obsessed over. I had friends, a boyfriend, activities. And I finally filled out, a little, by college so there were a few years of actually feeling good about my appearance. It was not until my late 20s, when my body began to fail me. It’s not as dramatic as it sounds. Until then, I had always eaten whatever I wanted without obvious consequence. I was active, though not necessarily actively exercising but I rarely gained a pound. Suddenly, or so it seemed, I started to gain a few pounds. And they quickly began to add up. By 30, I was 25-30 pounds heavier than I had been at 18. I hated this new body, worked hard to fight against it but habits had been formed and I was definitely an emotional eater. I began exercising in earnest and though my weight remained a larger number than made me comfortable, I started to feel healthy and generally better about my appearance. After a long struggle with infertility, I became pregnant at 32 – with triplets! The goal weight gain for a triplet pregnancy is somewhere between 60 and 70 pounds…YIKES! I spent the first 15 weeks with severe “morning” sickness and actually lost 13 pounds. I spent the next 17 weeks on bed rest, eating every few hours to try and make up for lost time. When I delivered at 31 weeks, I had gained only 33 pounds. I assumed, with a weight gain that was typical of a single pregnancy that it would fall off after my boys were born. Or at least start steadily melting away over that first year. Not so. I will spare you the details of the next 5 years by summarizing this – I have still not lost the “baby weight”. And I now struggle daily with feelings of inadequacy, ugliness, disgust at my appearance.
Despite the confessional about my weight issues, I have never, ever mentioned weight as a factor in beauty or even health to my children. After their birth, I became diligent about our health as a family. Nutrition and exercise focused, we often talk about how amazing our bodies are – all the things they can do – especially if we take care of them. We discuss how the food choices we make can either help or hinder our body’s strength. We plan and prepare our meals together using local and organic food as much as possible. We have a garden, we shop at farmer’s markets, we belong to a CSA. We do not watch TV during the school week, opting instead for physical activity – outside as much as weather allows. I cannot remember a time with them when physical appearance has been perceived as an indicator of beauty – until now.
The boys do not like kisses from me when I have lipstick (or even chapstick) on. This has initiated some funny comments and conversation but I was taken aback at this question that was posed as I kissed them one morning before school – “Why do girls wear lipstick?”. I paused before answering, uncertain if my response would set off more questioning from the peanut gallery (it usually does). I did not want to say that makeup makes a girl pretty or imply it necessary for a man to find her attractive so I answered with “sometimes it makes a girl feel pretty to wear a little lipstick”. This of course was met with “why” and I repeated my original answer before quickly changing the subject. Not my typical MO. I have answered many a question that would make my husband, and a lot of other adults, squirm. I have always been truthful with them about hard topics – “am I going to die, are you going to die, why do people die, what happens when we die, why don’t girls have a penis, what’s a vagina, how are babies born, how do they get in there” and on and on. Why then am I so uncomfortable defining or at least answering honestly a simple question about makeup?
As the mother of boys and a feminist at heart, it is incredibly important to me that I raise men who recognize the equal value of the opposite sex. Men who are respectful of differences without feelings of superiority (or inferiority), men who are self sufficient, who know how to take care of themselves and do not expect someone (a woman) to do it for them. Men who value intellect, humanity, kindness, authenticity at least as much as or more than appearance when looking for a partner in life. Men who value their own bodies as marvels, miracles capable of so much if respected and cared for. Compassionate and strong, confident while humble, secure in all they do, respectful of all humanity understanding the value of every life, be it their own or that of someone in Iraq or a person on a street corner downtown. Yes, it is idealistic and likely unrealistic, but these are the things I hope they value. These are the things I hope they see their parents modeling. Struggle as we may to do so.
So, to answer the question what features/qualities would we like today’s children to see as beautiful?, I hope today’s children can find the beauty in humanity. I wish for them to recognize the beauty in the human experience. To recognize their strengths and even their struggles as beautiful. To reject the idea of perfection and to embrace the everyday, to recognize the miracles that abound, to find real joy in the moment and to seek the beauty in everything. To hold on to their childish innocence and wonder at all that is. These are the things I wish for us all.
How to answer this question has been with me for days now. I think about it in the shower, in the car, making dinner, having conversations with my sons and when looking through a magazine or watching television as I confront the perfect images being sold to us everywhere. Undoubtedly, my perspective is shaped by my own experience. A girl, one of three sisters, who grew up in a very dysfunctional family. We each had to find our own way amongst the culture of perfect while our parents struggled with their own demons. They say that a girl’s relationship with her father is incredibly influential in her acquisition of self-worth, of value, her definition of what it means to be beautiful and I believe it to be true. Sadly, our father perpetrated unspeakable acts against my innocence and while I rarely discuss this because I claim that it does not define me, in a lot of ways it has. To introduce sexuality at a young age, to equate a loving relationship with a person who should be your protector, with fear, shame and confusion denies a child the ability to understand, to evolve into, her own value.
I was always a skinny kid. Scrawny is probably more accurate. It was not the blessing I would perceive it to be now that I am 20 pounds heavier than my “ideal” body weight. I vaguely remember feeling inadequate, not at all beautiful when comparing myself to the images I believed to be perfection, in high school. But it was not something I obsessed over. I had friends, a boyfriend, activities. And I finally filled out, a little, by college so there were a few years of actually feeling good about my appearance. It was not until my late 20s, when my body began to fail me. It’s not as dramatic as it sounds. Until then, I had always eaten whatever I wanted without obvious consequence. I was active, though not necessarily actively exercising but I rarely gained a pound. Suddenly, or so it seemed, I started to gain a few pounds. And they quickly began to add up. By 30, I was 25-30 pounds heavier than I had been at 18. I hated this new body, worked hard to fight against it but habits had been formed and I was definitely an emotional eater. I began exercising in earnest and though my weight remained a larger number than made me comfortable, I started to feel healthy and generally better about my appearance. After a long struggle with infertility, I became pregnant at 32 – with triplets! The goal weight gain for a triplet pregnancy is somewhere between 60 and 70 pounds…YIKES! I spent the first 15 weeks with severe “morning” sickness and actually lost 13 pounds. I spent the next 17 weeks on bed rest, eating every few hours to try and make up for lost time. When I delivered at 31 weeks, I had gained only 33 pounds. I assumed, with a weight gain that was typical of a single pregnancy that it would fall off after my boys were born. Or at least start steadily melting away over that first year. Not so. I will spare you the details of the next 5 years by summarizing this – I have still not lost the “baby weight”. And I now struggle daily with feelings of inadequacy, ugliness, disgust at my appearance.
Despite the confessional about my weight issues, I have never, ever mentioned weight as a factor in beauty or even health to my children. After their birth, I became diligent about our health as a family. Nutrition and exercise focused, we often talk about how amazing our bodies are – all the things they can do – especially if we take care of them. We discuss how the food choices we make can either help or hinder our body’s strength. We plan and prepare our meals together using local and organic food as much as possible. We have a garden, we shop at farmer’s markets, we belong to a CSA. We do not watch TV during the school week, opting instead for physical activity – outside as much as weather allows. I cannot remember a time with them when physical appearance has been perceived as an indicator of beauty – until now.
The boys do not like kisses from me when I have lipstick (or even chapstick) on. This has initiated some funny comments and conversation but I was taken aback at this question that was posed as I kissed them one morning before school – “Why do girls wear lipstick?”. I paused before answering, uncertain if my response would set off more questioning from the peanut gallery (it usually does). I did not want to say that makeup makes a girl pretty or imply it necessary for a man to find her attractive so I answered with “sometimes it makes a girl feel pretty to wear a little lipstick”. This of course was met with “why” and I repeated my original answer before quickly changing the subject. Not my typical MO. I have answered many a question that would make my husband, and a lot of other adults, squirm. I have always been truthful with them about hard topics – “am I going to die, are you going to die, why do people die, what happens when we die, why don’t girls have a penis, what’s a vagina, how are babies born, how do they get in there” and on and on. Why then am I so uncomfortable defining or at least answering honestly a simple question about makeup?
As the mother of boys and a feminist at heart, it is incredibly important to me that I raise men who recognize the equal value of the opposite sex. Men who are respectful of differences without feelings of superiority (or inferiority), men who are self sufficient, who know how to take care of themselves and do not expect someone (a woman) to do it for them. Men who value intellect, humanity, kindness, authenticity at least as much as or more than appearance when looking for a partner in life. Men who value their own bodies as marvels, miracles capable of so much if respected and cared for. Compassionate and strong, confident while humble, secure in all they do, respectful of all humanity understanding the value of every life, be it their own or that of someone in Iraq or a person on a street corner downtown. Yes, it is idealistic and likely unrealistic, but these are the things I hope they value. These are the things I hope they see their parents modeling. Struggle as we may to do so.
So, to answer the question what features/qualities would we like today’s children to see as beautiful?, I hope today’s children can find the beauty in humanity. I wish for them to recognize the beauty in the human experience. To recognize their strengths and even their struggles as beautiful. To reject the idea of perfection and to embrace the everyday, to recognize the miracles that abound, to find real joy in the moment and to seek the beauty in everything. To hold on to their childish innocence and wonder at all that is. These are the things I wish for us all.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Identity Crisis
What to do with this blog...ideas running around about things I want to explore, stories to tell, opinions about life and the world at large but how do I make it make sense? (Rhetorical question)
Here are some things I am passionate about:
Here are some things I am passionate about:
- Health - particularly how nutrition affects our overall well being
- Children's Health (and availability of health care for all)
- Cooking
- Education
- Parenting (not necessarily good at it - but passionate for sure and always trying to improve)
Things I am trying to figure out still:
- Religious beliefs
- Political opinions
- How to balance it all
- Domesticity
- What do I want to be when I grow up?
It's a start. Posts will be in no particular order and may not even be regular but I'm going to give this blog thing another try. Hope you'll check in every now and again and join the evolution of ideas.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Wanna Be
I want to be a "real" blogger, I really do. I think I'm just a stalker though. I keep finding blogs I love to read. They inspire me to think about things in different ways, to appreciate things overlooked. They also validate some of my feelings about mothering and life. I have a zillion stories of my own floating around inside my brain but I cannot seem to get past being freaked out by how publicly accessible things are on the internet. I always feel a bit dishonest when I do post something because there are so many layers being left our for the sake of privacy. If anyone ever looks at this post, and if you are a blogger, how do you find the courage to be so honest? So vulnerable to an unknown audience? And even more so, knowing that people you know are reading, do you not feel so exposed?
I think I'm going to post a little more often this year. We'll see...
I think I'm going to post a little more often this year. We'll see...
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Politics
The Left mocks the Right. The Right knows it's right. Two ugly traits. How far should we go to try and understand each other's point of view? Maybe the distance grace covered on the cross is a clue.
~Bono. lead singer of U2
Currently Reading: God's Politics: Why the Right Gets It Wrong and the Left Doesn't Get It
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Today's Thoughts
O Lord, open my eyes that I may see the needs of others; open my ears that I may hear their cries; open my heart so that they need not be without succor; let me notbe afraid to defend the weak because of the anger of the strong, nor afraid to defend the poor because of the anger of the rich ... And so open my eyes and my ears that I may this coming day be able to do some work of peace for thee.
- Alan Paton
No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it. We must learn to see the world anew - Albert Einstein.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
What I am Thinking About
The little boys are back in school. And as the summer wore on, I must admit that I was ready for their return. I've got a "to do" list that is miles long and limited time in which to accomplish these things that are so much simpler without small children in tow. But I am also learning to cherish the time I do have with them. To give to them - joyfully. And this is a hard lesson for me as I sadly default to resentment when I feel stretched too thin. This came to my inbox this morning and I am considering it slowly, thoughtfully that I may take it to heart. That I may keep it at the forefront of my mind. Both as a mother and a daughter. Another hard lesson, one that I am reminded of daily on this journey of mine as a mother, is grace and thankfulness for my own mother who plucked so much of herself for her little ducklings. Thanks Mom - I love you.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Ordinary Miracle
I am so moved by this song right now. Opening my heart to the ordinary miracles everyday. We are so very blessed...
B, C, H - Red Top Mountain 4/24/08 - 4 years old
B, C, H - Red Top Mountain 4/24/08 - 4 years oldThursday, April 24, 2008
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Random (Like My Life)
Okay, I may be the worst blogger on the web in terms of regular posting, writing anything interesting, analyzing what I've written (on the rare occasion I do), offering wisdom, insight, humor - anything of value (legitimate or entertainment) to any reader (if there are any) who happens upon this site. The world wide web is full of blogs that can offer all of the above and more and there is an ever growing list of links on this site for you to choose from.
Incidentally, though you would never guess it from this blog, I am a decent writer. And I am pretty analytical by average standards. I am also very guarded and tend to withdraw into my own thoughts and feelings when pondering something of great significance (if not to the world at large, at least to myself and my family). So I tend to stick to the factual information, the advocacy I believe in (via links to other sites - rarely of my own analysis), pictures of my boys (who I believe to be some of the cutest kids alive so who wouldn't want to see more of them), and random posts where I say I am going to post more often, more substantially - and then never do.
Also, my head is so full of the things necessary to our daily existence that it "hurts my brain" to think too much beyond the obvious - at least in terms of being able to articulate it somewhere (here). I'm full of random thoughts, ideas, feelings about things that are so incohesive they sometimes do not even make sense to me so trying to make sense of it in a user friendly, readable format seems like a lot of work that I am not overly inclined to take on. Not to mention the constant interruption (happening even now) that diverts my attention from the task at hand - and it is increasingly more difficult to find my way back to whatever I was trying to do before the interruption. I'm not sure if this is due to aging, laziness or triplet induced insanity but my ability to focus for long periods of time is waning and if interrupted cannot easily be attained again. So I have a blog full of half finished (or barely started) drafts of things that I meant to document, to discuss, to report on that I have never gotten around to completing. And probably never will ...
Seriously, I meant to pull this all together - to possibly post a complete thought - or even - sit down f0r this- several thoughts pulled together with great insight and wit...you may roll your eyes excessively now :) But there is a little boy - a very cute one - who is insistent about sitting on my lap. Who very much wants my undivided attention and while I do feel some frustration at yet another interruption, I recognize that he will be little for a very short time. And he will not want (or fit in) my lap much longer. So I am off to snuggle an adorable 4 year old who cannot wait, nor should he. And so the blog will wait again. Maybe a day, maybe a week, a month - who knows. Life is happening all around me and I am logging off now to be a part of it.
Have a great day - or week or month....I'll check in later (likely, much later :). 
Incidentally, though you would never guess it from this blog, I am a decent writer. And I am pretty analytical by average standards. I am also very guarded and tend to withdraw into my own thoughts and feelings when pondering something of great significance (if not to the world at large, at least to myself and my family). So I tend to stick to the factual information, the advocacy I believe in (via links to other sites - rarely of my own analysis), pictures of my boys (who I believe to be some of the cutest kids alive so who wouldn't want to see more of them), and random posts where I say I am going to post more often, more substantially - and then never do.
Also, my head is so full of the things necessary to our daily existence that it "hurts my brain" to think too much beyond the obvious - at least in terms of being able to articulate it somewhere (here). I'm full of random thoughts, ideas, feelings about things that are so incohesive they sometimes do not even make sense to me so trying to make sense of it in a user friendly, readable format seems like a lot of work that I am not overly inclined to take on. Not to mention the constant interruption (happening even now) that diverts my attention from the task at hand - and it is increasingly more difficult to find my way back to whatever I was trying to do before the interruption. I'm not sure if this is due to aging, laziness or triplet induced insanity but my ability to focus for long periods of time is waning and if interrupted cannot easily be attained again. So I have a blog full of half finished (or barely started) drafts of things that I meant to document, to discuss, to report on that I have never gotten around to completing. And probably never will ...
Seriously, I meant to pull this all together - to possibly post a complete thought - or even - sit down f0r this- several thoughts pulled together with great insight and wit...you may roll your eyes excessively now :) But there is a little boy - a very cute one - who is insistent about sitting on my lap. Who very much wants my undivided attention and while I do feel some frustration at yet another interruption, I recognize that he will be little for a very short time. And he will not want (or fit in) my lap much longer. So I am off to snuggle an adorable 4 year old who cannot wait, nor should he. And so the blog will wait again. Maybe a day, maybe a week, a month - who knows. Life is happening all around me and I am logging off now to be a part of it.
Have a great day - or week or month....I'll check in later (likely, much later :).
H - my currently needy for his Mama little snuggler - how can I say no to this?
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Call to Lament and Repent
Next week will mark five years since the United States invaded Iraq. We all lament the suffering and violence that continue after these five heartbreaking years, and we all share in responsibility for a war that has been waged in our names and with our tax dollars.That's why I've added my name to a public statement repenting for the Iraq war, which Jim Wallis and other Christian leaders will be releasing next week - with the signatures of thousands of Christians of all theological and political stripes. Support for U.S. wars and foreign policy is still the area where Christians are most "conformed to this world" (Romans 12:2). We must commit to put our love for Christ ahead of obedience to a misguided government, and to ask our brothers and sisters to join us in working for peace.
Will you join me in signing the statement? Just click here.
Will you join me in signing the statement? Just click here.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Plan B
Clearly I am not keeping up with daily posting. I do want to keep the blog and I do want to use it for journaling this process of little boys growing up (and Mommy too), so my new goal is to post weekly...possibly more often if time allows but weekly for sure. Not even ready to commit to a day of the week - it may be Monday it may be Friday - who knows, but I will post at least once per week. This little ramble is not my post for this week. I will have a week in review up tomorrow - seriously, I will (try). Here's a sample of things that may be in that post:
- The boys started soccer (1st time) and it is a hoot
- New mommies - as observed at the playground and memories of my first year as a first time mom
- sick kids (this is a winter long theme)
- faith and politics - because I am feeling crazy
- higher education - as in, I want to go to grad school next year but I think it may be a little delusional to think it possible, we'll see
- whatever else I can come up with that seems slightly interesting even if only to myself
So check in tomorrow (night) and see what made the cut.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
The Quest for Perfect
I have issues. Who doesn't? But I am struggling with how to keep my balance, my calm (this is not something that comes to me naturally) under pressure. The daily demands of raising three young sons, a husband who works a lot and travels often, a home that has never been described as organized (even on our best day), and the list goes on. Meanwhile, I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up but am desperately trying to find a way to define myself - for myself - as my identity seems to have been lost in the delivery room. I read self help books, I lurk on mommy blogs, I pray - sometimes beg - for patience and acceptance of things I cannot control...and life goes on. I try to be grateful for everything. The little things as well as the obvious. I try to remind myself that this is only a moment in time. It will not last forever and while some days seem eternal, I will be sad when they are gone. Just as I already miss so many things about having babies although the first year of life with triplets is something I doubt I have the strength of character to ever repeat! I am not inclined to discuss these things or even to write them down (I am a terrible journaler and even worse when I think of everyone being able to access my thoughts and feelings online - as if anyone reads this...). I am struggling. Whether or not peace and (internal) silence can ever be achieved I do not know. But growth - now I have lots of that going on. And that is good right? I think it is. I hope it is.
I just started what so far seems to be a fantastic book - The Mother Trip: Hip Mama's Guide to Staying Sane in the Chaos of Motherhood by Ariel Gore. Here's a brief excerpt from the Preface (titled Chaos Training):
I just started what so far seems to be a fantastic book - The Mother Trip: Hip Mama's Guide to Staying Sane in the Chaos of Motherhood by Ariel Gore. Here's a brief excerpt from the Preface (titled Chaos Training):
Motherhood is not what we imagined. It is more delightful, more
heartbreaking. It ruins everything. It's not the calm after the storm we have been led to expect. It's almost more than a person can bear. Almost...Our intuition isn't always accessible. We need each other's support and helpful words. What we don't need is junk-food advice that tells us to ignore our feelings, that undermines our confidence and insults our intelligence. It's just a recipe for depression. Because what is intuition? It's a capacity of the spirit. It's knowledge...But there is also a jumping off point from this circular equation, a point where we can recognize our exhaustion for what it is, give ourselves a break, and in that quiet hour begin to transform the energy our culture has taught to use to scrutinize and blame ourselves, and turn it outward, into something revolutionary.
We can juggle, run in circles, we can make ourselves manic, burned out, bummed. But here's the thing: Chaos comes anyway. It comes whether we want it to or not. It comes even if we pretend we don't see it coming. And here's the other thing: Chaos is good news. It's movement. It's change. It's revolution. It's scary. But like intuition, I think we can trust it.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
War
I recognize that there are no easy answers. I am saddened by the partisanship that does not allow for thoughtful, logical, rational discussion about solutions. And I am astounded at the waste (in all areas) of our tax dollars when there are children here - in the United States of America - without food, shelter and access to basic healthcare and education. Feeling a little overwhelmed by it all this morning...
Regardless of your political affiliation or your belief about whether or not government should respond to these injustices, we are all responsible for the children. The least of these, whom we are commanded love, cherish and protect. Where is Jesus in all the rhetoric? What are you doing to live your life in accordance with His commands?
I am asking myself these and other questions. Searching my heart and striving to live every day according to my principles.
Regardless of your political affiliation or your belief about whether or not government should respond to these injustices, we are all responsible for the children. The least of these, whom we are commanded love, cherish and protect. Where is Jesus in all the rhetoric? What are you doing to live your life in accordance with His commands?
I am asking myself these and other questions. Searching my heart and striving to live every day according to my principles.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Resolution
Considering this as I evaluate what this new year means for me, for my family. Anticipating a birthday, enjoying the final days of school break (and a very lax schedule) and considering how to live in a way that is consistent with what I believe. Authenticity. A great word...and I am so far from it. Trying to stop "doing" and just start "being". What is important to me? Would you know by my actions, my life, if I did not tell? These thoughts and more are with me as I reflect on where I have been, where I am going...where am I going? Stay tuned....
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Heroes
For a lot of reasons, this quote has touched me today. I loved Mr. Rogers!!!
When I was very young, most of my heroes wore capes, flew through the air, or picked up buildings with one arm. They were spectacular and got a lot of attention. But as I grew, my heroes changed, so that now I can honestly say that anyone who does anything to help a child is a hero to me.
When I was very young, most of my heroes wore capes, flew through the air, or picked up buildings with one arm. They were spectacular and got a lot of attention. But as I grew, my heroes changed, so that now I can honestly say that anyone who does anything to help a child is a hero to me.
Fred Rogers1928 - 2003
Monday, December 3, 2007
Learning, Growing, Changing
The title of this post is not about the boys...it is about me. Learning to evaluate why I am parenting the way I am, how it is affecting my children, is it necessary and /or good? Growing in my limited understanding (or lack thereof) of what it means to parent, to mother these little children. Changing (with not so much grace) my attitude, behavior, my beliefs. I get it intellectually, I really do but it is so hard to make change in the trenches. In the midst of living this crazy life, to redirect my thoughts and actions, to really be mindful of what is happening right now at this very moment is a mental effort that is sometimes exhausting and I often fail. But the reward is so great when I am true to what is right, when I am living what I believe, when I am the mother I so want to be for these incredible children who deserve nothing less than the very best I have to offer. So there's this blog that I love and this post is particularly insightful with regard to all of the above. Check it out...
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