Happy Holidays

Feeding The Family: Fresh Taco Wraps

Fresh Taco Wraps

I wish I had a picture because in addition to being DELICIOUS! these were beautiful too. I love when that happens!

We are gradually adding more raw food to our daily diet. This is easy for snacks, and even lunches as we have often had "snack" lunch picnics this summer but main dishes are a little trickier. We made these for dinner tonight and it was a total success.

Hoping to post more often about our kitchen adventures...the punks think we need our own show. B even has a very fitting name for it..."The Crazy Kitchen". I'm certain this title will apply as I begin to pack lunches daily - the dudes start kindergarten in 4 days (sniff, sniff, boo hoo) Maybe we'll upload a few clips to the web, go viral and be infamous :)

Stay tuned....

Our Local Harvest

just picked from our backyard garden...a truly "local" harvest :)

sugar snap peas, early radishes, dragon tongue beans and the last of the raspberries

farmer B - very proud of what he has grown!

Indifference to injustice is more insidious than the injustice itself.
- Dr. Cornel West

Camping and Fishing at Lake Lanier

Summer Break Chronicles

A series on life with 5 year old triplet boys for the next 70+ loooong days of summer break.....



In an effort to keep a bit of order around here and to promote the idea that we all work together for the good of the whole (family), the boys have summer chores. There are 9 different tasks that I made little laminated cards for, using clip art as well as words, and they each randomly choose 3 cards per week for their chores (in theory, to keep them from getting too bored with the same tasks). The novelty of it has them very excited and all the jobs are much loved (so far) - especially the "bathroom cleaner" since I made a special bucket complete with gloves for this job. Anyway, to the point of the story...this morning as C was helping me move laundry from the washer to the dryer, a quarter fell out onto the floor. I explained that a benefit of being the "laundry helper" is that when you find money in the laundry, it is yours to keep. This made him very happy! A little while later, as I was busy with chores of my own, C excitedly ran to get a piece of paper and told me that his quarter was a "special writing quarter". He proceeded to show me that pressing and dragging the side of the coin on the paper produced a gray line. I made the appropriate oohs and ahs about his "special quarter" when he let this slip - "it even works on walls". When I asked if he had tried it on the walls, he realized his slip of the tongue and timidly replied "by accident". When I asked him which walls he had "accidentally" discovered the magic of his quarter on he said he could not remember and quickly removed himself from the conversation. I have not yet discovered the scene of the crime...

Beautiful Like Me - Inspiration

Okay, here it is! This week's Beautiful Like Me question is In your opinion, what is the best way to build self-esteem?

Like so many of life’s bigger questions, there are more answers, leading to more questions – none of which can be looked at in isolation. Generally, the answer to this question seems to focus on media and culture. I want to explore something else. Something personal and something I believe may be an integral part of finding our way to a better place.

I propose that the best way to build self-esteem is to start with a foundation of respect, unconditional love and support and the recognition that every child is fully human. As a first time parent, I have spent a great deal of time reading all manner of books on the subject of raising children. Despite some significant differences in “expert” opinion about how to do this, there is often a common theme centering on behavior. Specifically, how to get your child(ren) to behave in a way that is acceptable to you as a parent and society in general. I will be the first to admit that a compliant child is a more appealing thought to me than one that might be labeled “strong-willed” but I am increasingly bothered by the means to which we will go to get that compliance. There seems to be very little regard and even less respect for the fact that the child is a human being fully capable of his or her own thoughts and feelings. There is an assumption that they are lesser than; incapable – that they need adults to coerce them about how to feel, how to think, how to behave. I am not saying that children do not require guidance. But I am struggling to accept the ways in which we (parents, adults) try to bend them to our own will. Frequently when it really does not matter all that much.

In case you’re new here, I have triplets. Three little boys who are as different as can be. Three personalities who view the world uniquely, who set out to solve problems in ways that make sense to themselves but not necessarily to each other or their parents. I believe them to be amazing individuals with incredible gifts each their own. But I also need (if I am being really honest it’s more likely that I want) things to run smoothly. Their compliance makes life easier – less challenging – for me. And there is always the underlying fear that if I do not stay on top of it utter chaos will prevail and we will never have any peace again. I’m always outnumbered and having some semblance of order over the situation allows me to feel (as delusional as it may be) like I am in control. But what price are my children paying for my need/want to maintain my comfort zone? How often am I reminding, correcting, nagging and my worst offense that happens entirely too often, yelling at them to obey? What is the message they receive from me, the person they spend most of their time with, the person they look to for guidance and unconditional love? My greatest fear is that what they are hearing from me (never overtly, of course) is that they are not good enough. And I am left to wonder if this is where the breakdown of self esteem begins. And it cracks my heart open with grief because I am only human, I really do try and be the best I can be for them but I am selfish, I am tired, I am overwhelmed.

Two books have challenged me in a way that no other parenting books have and I highly recommend every parent check your local library for copies –

· Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn, and
· 10 Conversations You Need to Have with Your Children by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach

I was going to give a little summary of each but coincidentally (or maybe it’s fate??), I just began another this evening and within the first 3 pages I have found myself challenged, moved and inspired. It is completely in sync with the thoughts I am exploring here and so I share this with you now:

Parenting isn’t about molding lumps of formless clay into something virtuous and beautiful. Your child arrived in the world a complete original…Your job as a parent isn’t just to pay for piano lessons, or drive your son to soccer practice – it’s to enable him to explore the full potential of his own personality and intelligence and capacity for love. Parenting doesn’t just mean wiping our kid’s nose and making sure that her socks match; it means throwing kindling on the spark of her potential and ardently fanning the ensuing blaze.

We must not simply police our children, we must inspire them.

If we simply superimpose our will on our children, they will feel coerced... If we bully our children into doing well, instead of bringing out a desire to contribute their unique gifts to the world, they will resent us… We must instead use inspiration so that they become willing participants – enthusiastic ones, even – in their own improvement. Every parent is capable of inspiring their children, and we must now find this talent within ourselves and bring it to the forefront. (from Parenting With Fire,
Shmuley Boteach)

So my answer to this week’s question, in your opinion, what is the best way to build self-esteem, is really a thought I am still developing. One that will ask more questions than it answers but one that I hope I will be mindful of in my journey as a mother. I think the building of self-esteem begins long before the pre-teen years and long before the media and culture at large begin to exert their influences on our kids. I think it begins at home and I think it begins right now.

There are several very talented bloggers participating in this project. Because I am a technical dingbat, I have not figured out how to link everyone here in my post. Check out the Beautiful Like Me Project Home Page for links to all the participants and check them out for more thoughts that will make you think (that sounds funny, but you know what I mean!).

Beautiful Like Me - Coming Soon!

Today's question to ponder for the Beautiful Like Me Project is In your opinion, what is the best way to build self-esteem?. I have draft after draft attempting to answer this in a way that makes sense but I have not yet achieved what I think is a readable answer - it's more a running stream of thought(s) ramble. So, this post is to serve as a place holder for the real thing coming soon -really, I promise. Okay, maybe not really soon but today for sure. Possibly late in the day but today. Please check back later and let me know what your thinking about this question as well...See you soon!

Boys

A boy is trust with dirt on it's face, beauty with a cut on it's finger, wisdom with bubble gum in it's hair, and the hope of the future with a frog in it's pocket

Beautiful Like Me

Tricia at Shout asked me if I would like to participate in the Beautiful Like Me Project. Having had the opportunity to discuss this and other life questions with her, I was honored and more than a little intimidated to say yes. The explanation of it's beginning can be found here. Participants are asked to blog about a series of questions every two weeks. I am joining in on question #3 - What features/qualities would we like today’s children to see as beautiful? I am sure I will not do justice to the vastness of this consideration. This is my feeble, and very incomplete attempt. I am still mulling it over and continue to discover layers of feelings and thoughts on the issue.

How to answer this question has been with me for days now. I think about it in the shower, in the car, making dinner, having conversations with my sons and when looking through a magazine or watching television as I confront the perfect images being sold to us everywhere. Undoubtedly, my perspective is shaped by my own experience. A girl, one of three sisters, who grew up in a very dysfunctional family. We each had to find our own way amongst the culture of perfect while our parents struggled with their own demons. They say that a girl’s relationship with her father is incredibly influential in her acquisition of self-worth, of value, her definition of what it means to be beautiful and I believe it to be true. Sadly, our father perpetrated unspeakable acts against my innocence and while I rarely discuss this because I claim that it does not define me, in a lot of ways it has. To introduce sexuality at a young age, to equate a loving relationship with a person who should be your protector, with fear, shame and confusion denies a child the ability to understand, to evolve into, her own value.

I was always a skinny kid. Scrawny is probably more accurate. It was not the blessing I would perceive it to be now that I am 20 pounds heavier than my “ideal” body weight. I vaguely remember feeling inadequate, not at all beautiful when comparing myself to the images I believed to be perfection, in high school. But it was not something I obsessed over. I had friends, a boyfriend, activities. And I finally filled out, a little, by college so there were a few years of actually feeling good about my appearance. It was not until my late 20s, when my body began to fail me. It’s not as dramatic as it sounds. Until then, I had always eaten whatever I wanted without obvious consequence. I was active, though not necessarily actively exercising but I rarely gained a pound. Suddenly, or so it seemed, I started to gain a few pounds. And they quickly began to add up. By 30, I was 25-30 pounds heavier than I had been at 18. I hated this new body, worked hard to fight against it but habits had been formed and I was definitely an emotional eater. I began exercising in earnest and though my weight remained a larger number than made me comfortable, I started to feel healthy and generally better about my appearance. After a long struggle with infertility, I became pregnant at 32 – with triplets! The goal weight gain for a triplet pregnancy is somewhere between 60 and 70 pounds…YIKES! I spent the first 15 weeks with severe “morning” sickness and actually lost 13 pounds. I spent the next 17 weeks on bed rest, eating every few hours to try and make up for lost time. When I delivered at 31 weeks, I had gained only 33 pounds. I assumed, with a weight gain that was typical of a single pregnancy that it would fall off after my boys were born. Or at least start steadily melting away over that first year. Not so. I will spare you the details of the next 5 years by summarizing this – I have still not lost the “baby weight”. And I now struggle daily with feelings of inadequacy, ugliness, disgust at my appearance.

Despite the confessional about my weight issues, I have never, ever mentioned weight as a factor in beauty or even health to my children. After their birth, I became diligent about our health as a family. Nutrition and exercise focused, we often talk about how amazing our bodies are – all the things they can do – especially if we take care of them. We discuss how the food choices we make can either help or hinder our body’s strength. We plan and prepare our meals together using local and organic food as much as possible. We have a garden, we shop at farmer’s markets, we belong to a CSA. We do not watch TV during the school week, opting instead for physical activity – outside as much as weather allows. I cannot remember a time with them when physical appearance has been perceived as an indicator of beauty – until now.

The boys do not like kisses from me when I have lipstick (or even chapstick) on. This has initiated some funny comments and conversation but I was taken aback at this question that was posed as I kissed them one morning before school – “Why do girls wear lipstick?”. I paused before answering, uncertain if my response would set off more questioning from the peanut gallery (it usually does). I did not want to say that makeup makes a girl pretty or imply it necessary for a man to find her attractive so I answered with “sometimes it makes a girl feel pretty to wear a little lipstick”. This of course was met with “why” and I repeated my original answer before quickly changing the subject. Not my typical MO. I have answered many a question that would make my husband, and a lot of other adults, squirm. I have always been truthful with them about hard topics – “am I going to die, are you going to die, why do people die, what happens when we die, why don’t girls have a penis, what’s a vagina, how are babies born, how do they get in there” and on and on. Why then am I so uncomfortable defining or at least answering honestly a simple question about makeup?

As the mother of boys and a feminist at heart, it is incredibly important to me that I raise men who recognize the equal value of the opposite sex. Men who are respectful of differences without feelings of superiority (or inferiority), men who are self sufficient, who know how to take care of themselves and do not expect someone (a woman) to do it for them. Men who value intellect, humanity, kindness, authenticity at least as much as or more than appearance when looking for a partner in life. Men who value their own bodies as marvels, miracles capable of so much if respected and cared for. Compassionate and strong, confident while humble, secure in all they do, respectful of all humanity understanding the value of every life, be it their own or that of someone in Iraq or a person on a street corner downtown. Yes, it is idealistic and likely unrealistic, but these are the things I hope they value. These are the things I hope they see their parents modeling. Struggle as we may to do so.

So, to answer the question what features/qualities would we like today’s children to see as beautiful?, I hope today’s children can find the beauty in humanity. I wish for them to recognize the beauty in the human experience. To recognize their strengths and even their struggles as beautiful. To reject the idea of perfection and to embrace the everyday, to recognize the miracles that abound, to find real joy in the moment and to seek the beauty in everything. To hold on to their childish innocence and wonder at all that is. These are the things I wish for us all.

Earth Day Everyday

The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions. - Thich Nhat Hanh

Yummy Fun

C, making whole wheat tortillas

Powerful

When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my
vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.

-Audre Lorde

Yea Spring

Feeding the Family

Okay ,we are all super busy. Nonetheless, we need to eat and for those with children, we must feed them too. I am always surprised at how frequently some of my friends dine out. It may seem simpler to have someone else prepare and serve the food, but it is expensive, not to mention you have no idea where your food is coming from or how healthy it actually is (or is not). I thought I might start a "Feeding the Family" topic for sharing healthy, easy meal ideas. Here is the first one, we are trying it tonight so I'll add on tomorrow about how it was received by the kiddos - enjoy!


EASY CROCKPOT RECIPE: Chicken with Quinoa (pronounced KEEN-wah - a complete protein grain that is super easy to cook with, has a similar consistency to couscous)

Ingredients:

• 2T butter
• 2t minced garlic
• 1C chicken broth
• 2T white wine
• 3/4 t black pepper
• 3/4 t kosher salt (I used sea salt)
• 1/3C plus 1T quinoa, rinsed
• 1/2 medium onion, finely chopped
• 2 celery stalks, finely chopped
• 2 carrots, peeled and finely chopped
• 2 pounds skinless, boneless chicken thighs (much cheaper than breasts and very tasty)
• 1T chopped fresh parsley (OPTIONAL)

1. Add all ingredients except for chicken and parsley to slow cooker crock and mix well to combine. Place chicken thighs on top of the mixture. (It only took me 15 minutes to assemble this in the Crock Pot - and then it is done!!!)

2. Cover and cook on LOW for 8 hours. To serve, transfer chicken thighs to individual bowls. Mix quinoa and vegetables well, then spoon into bowls alongside chicken. Sprinkle with parsley if desired.

APPROXIMATE NUTRITIONAL CONTENT: Calories: 510, Protein: 47g, Fat: 26g, Sodium: 583mg

*I will probably steam or roast some kind of green vegetable to go with this as well (brussel sprouts, broccoli, asparagus - whatever) or make a big green salad. Lots of color on your plate is good, good, good!!

Hmm

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.

- Eleanor Roosevelt

Identity Crisis

What to do with this blog...ideas running around about things I want to explore, stories to tell, opinions about life and the world at large but how do I make it make sense? (Rhetorical question)

Here are some things I am passionate about:

• Health - particularly how nutrition affects our overall well being
• Children's Health (and availability of health care for all)
• Cooking
• Education
• Parenting (not necessarily good at it - but passionate for sure and always trying to improve)

Things I am trying to figure out still:

• Religious beliefs
• Political opinions
• How to balance it all
• Domesticity
• What do I want to be when I grow up?

It's a start. Posts will be in no particular order and may not even be regular but I'm going to give this blog thing another try. Hope you'll check in every now and again and join the evolution of ideas.

Wanna Be

I want to be a "real" blogger, I really do. I think I'm just a stalker though. I keep finding blogs I love to read. They inspire me to think about things in different ways, to appreciate things overlooked. They also validate some of my feelings about mothering and life. I have a zillion stories of my own floating around inside my brain but I cannot seem to get past being freaked out by how publicly accessible things are on the internet. I always feel a bit dishonest when I do post something because there are so many layers being left our for the sake of privacy. If anyone ever looks at this post, and if you are a blogger, how do you find the courage to be so honest? So vulnerable to an unknown audience? And even more so, knowing that people you know are reading, do you not feel so exposed?

I think I'm going to post a little more often this year. We'll see...

Happy Birthday Little Boys

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